Serenity

Serenity.
It's what I have been looking for for a while now.
How do one find serenity when the heart is so disturbed?

I've been thinking a lot lately, about how I can feel this serenity in me.
I've thought about moving away, moving to a place where I would just focus on me and no one else around me.
If I do however decide to do what I do, would it be that I'm running away?
Running away from my problems....Is that the best way to solve something?
Seriously....
I have no fucking clue.

There are too many uncertainty now, and it's really driving me crazy.
Although I have taken control of my friendship and career, ended it because it does seem to work out anymore, but when one thing ends, it opens the door of the unknown.
I believe it's because of such uncertainty and unknown factor, that's why I'm going crazy too, unable to find the peace in me.
Friendship wise, I know I can't fix that, cuz it involves people's feelings and I can't change a person's feelings towards me, unless well, I apologize and suck it up like how I always do.
That is really not something that I want to think about doing right now.
Career wise, this however is something that I know I can control.
Although I always talk the big talk that I have a pair of hands and legs, I won't starve or I won't not be able to find something, but that fear of not having anything at hand, really does scare me.
I do have commitments and responsibilities, and I can't be relying on my parents every time I'm not happy with something and decide to quit my job.
It's just not right.

I guess one of the ways to get serenity would be first, start sending out resumes and look for a damn job.
At least get something secure, so I can finally have some sort of piece of mind.
If not, I'll just be a damn wreck.
Pray for me God, that I find something, SOON!